Speaking topic RELATIONSHIPS

USEFUL EXPRESSION

get (tremendous) pleasure from

Example: I get tremendous pleasure from helping others.

take pleasure in (= get pleasure from)

Example: Scientific evidence shows that people take pleasure in others’ pain, a study claims.

get fed up with

Example: I  dont think i will get fed up with new friends because friends are only one who understand us much

back down

Example: I’m not suggesting that he should back down from a fight. But all I’m saying is that it probably would’ve been a wiser option to let this go.

dwell on : nhắc đi nhắc lại

Example: Kanye says to live life and not dwell on the past.

feel the need to

Example: Why do I feel the need to do everything myself at work?

bring up: đề cập đến

Example: Don’t bring up politics if you want to have a quiet conversation with that guy.

It’s a mistake to

Example: I also think it’s a mistake to buy a cheap laptop.

irrespective of

Example: Irrespective of the weather, I should go.

be free of

Example: When you are free of fear there is the strong feeling of being good.

In essence: về cơ bản, cốt lõi vấn đề là

Example: In essence it’s about making life less complicated to live.

golden rule

Example: The golden rule of business is supply and demand.

antidote for : thuốc giải độc

Example: Music is the antidote for depression.

This makes the whole thing

Example: I usually don’t know where a poem is going to end when I start it, and this makes the whole thing a lot more exciting for me.

However, this is not the case

Example: Often we think that heat and temperature are the same thing. However, this is not the case. 

My ex-company has carried out a big redundancy plan due to bad performance in business. There were 38 dismissed employees and I was one of them. My family and friends all feel very sorry for me and they think I would be very depressed and woesome (buồn rầu, ủ rũ). However, this is not the case. Irrespective of my current situation, I still get tremendous pleasure from that. Now I have plenty of time to do things that I love, like cooking, travelling or even dancing. I don’t feel the need to seek for a new job immediately, though my parents always dwell on the importance of stable income. They just care for me and too worry about me. Nevertheless, I currently just want to bring up the enjoyment of living life in my own way and temporarily forget about the bread and butter burden

QUESTION

1.      Talk about something you do to maintain good relationships with others.

- It’s quite common that most people get tremendous pleasure from speaking about themselves. If we are willing and able to listen to others, we will find it much appreciated by our friends. Don’t look upon friends with the perspective “what can I get out of this?”. True relationship should be based on mutual support and good will (thiện chí), irrespective of any personal gain. it is a mistake to spend several hours ruminating (ngẫm nghĩ) and dissecting (phân tích, mổ xẻ) relationships. This makes the whole thing very mental; it’s better to forget any negative experiences. Good friendships should be built on spontaneity (sự tự nhiên) and newness (sự mới lạ), sharing a moment of humour can often do more benefit than several hours of discussion.

2. What do you usually do to clear up a conflict with your friends or family members?
- In my view, the golden rule here is Speak a little less, listen a little more. If we are willing and able to listen to others perspective, they would do the same to us. Once we’ve both had the opportunity to share our own perspective, mutually agree to let it go and leave it in the past.
I would try to take the time to question the level of importance of the matter at hand instead of making a mountain out of a molehill,
If the conflict happens, always keep in mind the objective is to solve the problem, rather than win the fight because it’s better to be happy than right.

3. In what way good relationships may influence your life?
- There’s no doubt that good relationships will bring an immense amount of advantages to our lives. There are times when loneliness gets the best of us. However, when we have good friend, we can talk, share and make that loneliness fade away. Good friends can help us out when we're in need, or lend a hand, offer a shoulder to cry on, and walk a mile in your shoes. Sometimes they will not only help you rebound from the negative hits you take in life, but they will also inspire you to be the best you can be.

4. The more friends we have, the happier we are. Do you agree with this statement? Why? Or why not?
As for me, this is not always the case. I think it’s better to have few but true friends rather than many fair weather friends who will most likely disappear just when you need them most.

5. In your relationships with other people, do you put yourself first? Or them?

Honestly. I don’t really pay attention on that matter. As far as I’m concerned, good relationships should not be based on a dominant approach. A true friendship does not put one person above another. Good relationships should be built on spontaneity and equality.

Tell me about your best friend?
One of my best friends is a girl named Chinh. I met her at university; actually she was my freshman room-mate at dormitory. So, we’ve known each other for a good decade. What kind of person she is...Well, she’s really outgoing and sociable – she’s always going out with friends and colleagues. Everyone thinks she’s good fun. She’s also a very determined person – when she gets into something, she gives 100%. However, she can be a bit impatient – she gets annoyed when her fellows aren’t as efficient as her. And sometimes, she’s so self-assured that makes her a bit full of herself, which I say is a drawback.
Ask for why I like her, she’s actually quite different from me. I’m constantly amazed by her open-mindedness – she’s never judgmental. I wish I could be like that. But she’s very reliable – if I call her or give her a message, she always response. We’ve always got on and we hardly ever fall out.
At present, we’re living in different cities, so we don’t see each other that often. But we try to catch up on a fairly regular basic, say once a month.

IELTS Sample Questions:

1. Who is your best friend? (How would you describe him/her?)
2. Why do you call this person your best friend?
3. Name three words that can be best used to describe your best friend. (reliable, never judgmental and good fun)
4. Do you have a lot of friends?
No, I have a few friends, but none of them are fair weather friends. They will always be there when I need them.
5. In you free time, would you prefer to be alone or to be with friends?
I would prefer to be with my friends. It’s always good fun when I’m with them. I get tremendous pleasure from speaking about myself, my things in life and they’re always willing to listen.
6. What does friendship mean to you?
For me, friends are one of the most important ingredients in this recipe of life. A friend is someone I can talk with about a problem, someone who is always there when I need a hand, someone I can trust with my deepest secrets, someone who makes me laugh, or even someone I can poke on Facebook
7. In general, what are friends for?
A friend is someone I can talk with about a problem, someone who can help me out when I’m in need, or lend a hand, offer a shoulder to cry on, and walk a mile in my shoes. Sometimes they will not only help me rebound from the negative hits I take in life, but they will also inspire me to be the best I can be.
8. Talk about your best friend. How long have you known him/her?
9. How did you get acquainted with each other?
10. What makes this friend closer than your other friends?
11. What do you like best about your friendship?
I can really be myself with them
12. What are some of the positive ways your best friend has influenced your life?

13. What are your expectations of your friends?
Well, for me, friends should be reliable. I can’t stand being stood up or having my email and texts ignored. A friend is someone I can talk with about a problem, someone who is always there when I need a hand and someone I can trust with my deepest secrets
14. In what ways are your friends important to you?
My friends help me rebound from the negative hits I take in life. They will also inspire me to be the best I can be.
15. What influence do you have over your friends?
16. How do you choose friends?
17. What kind of people do you make friends with?
People who are good fun, not judgmental, and reliable.
18. Are your friends mostly your age or from different ages? Why?
Different ages
19. Is the time you spend with your friends as much as the time you spend with your family?
20. Do you usually see your friends during the week or at the weekends?
21. What kind of things do you and your friends like to do together?
22. Do you usually have conflicts with your friends? 
Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. But I always try to minimize the possibility of conflict
I would try to take the time to question the level of importance of the matter at hand instead of making a mountain out of a molehill,
If the conflict happens, always keep in mind the objective is to solve the problem, rather than win the fight because it’s better to be happy than right
23. Have you remained friends with people from your childhood?
Not really. I believe friendships might change as we get older. I definitely find that I have less in common with some friends than I used to. I sometimes wonder what we used to find to talk about. So we often grow apart from old school friends or friend from my childhood.
24. What is your longest friendship that you have had?
A good decade!
25. What do you do to maintain a friendship?
- Speak a little less, listen a little more
- maintain harmony
Don’t look upon friends with the perspective “what can I get out of this?”. True friendship should be based on mutual support and good will (thiện chí), irrespective of any personal gain
26. Talk about a friend you used to have, but now you have lost touch with.
27. Do you think it is better to have a large group of friends or a few close friends?
28. Do you have any English speaking friends?
29. Have you got any long distance friends? How do you keep in touch with your pen pals?
30. Would you be willing to do anything to help your friends?

Building Healthy Relationships

By Tejvan Pettinger

1. Speak a little less, listen a little more

Most people get tremendous pleasure from speaking about themselves. But, here we have to be careful; if we always speak about our achievements or tribulations (sự đau khổ), people will get fed up with our egoism (tính tự cao tự đại). (get tremendous pleasure from : cực kỳ phấn khích)

If we are willing and able to listen to others, we will find it much appreciated by our friends. Some people are not aware of how much they dominate (lấn át) the conversation. If you find you are always talking about yourself, consider the advice of the Greek philosopher, Epictectus:

“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”

2. Which is more important being right or maintaining harmony?

A lot of problems in relationships occur because we want to maintain our personal pride. Don’t insist on always having the last word. Healthy relationships are not built through winning meaningless arguments. Be willing to back down; most arguments are not of critical importance anyway.

3. Avoid Gossip

If we value someone’s friendship we will not take pleasure in commenting on their frequent failings. They will eventually hear about it. But, whether we get found out or not, we weaken our relationships when we dwell on (chăm chăm vào, nhấn vào) negative qualities. Avoid gossiping about anybody; subconsciously(một cách tự nhiên, tiềm thức) we don’t trust people who have a reputation for gossip. We instinctively (theo bản năng) trust and value people who don’t feel the need to criticise others.

4. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not just a cliché, it’s a powerful and important factor in maintaining healthy relationships. However, real forgiveness also means that we are willing to forget the experience. If we forgive one day, but then a few weeks later bring up the old misdeed (hành động xấu), this is not real forgiveness. When we make mistakes, just consider how much we would appreciate others forgiving and forgetting.

5. Know When to Keep Silent

If you think a friend has a bad or unworkable idea, don’t always argue against it; just keep silent and let them work things out for themselves. It’s a mistake to always feel responsible for their actions. You can offer support to friends, but you can’t live their life for them.

6. Right Motive

If you view friendship from the perspective of “what can I get from this?” you are making a big mistake. This kind of relationship proves very tentative (rất ko chắc chắn). If you make friendships with the hope of some benefit, you will find that people will have a similar attitude to you. This kind of friendship leads to insecurity and jealousy. Furthermore, these fair weather friends will most likely disappear just when you need them most. Don’t look upon friends with the perspective “what can I get out of this?”. True friendship should be based on mutual support and good will (thiện chí), irrespective of any personal gain.

7. Oneness

The real secret of healthy relationships is developing a feeling of oneness. This means that you will consider the impact on others of your words and actions. If you have a true feeling of oneness, you will find it difficult to do anything that causes suffering to your friends. When there is a feeling of oneness, your relationships will be free of jealousy and insecurity.

For example, it is a feeling of oneness which enables you to share in the success of your friends. This is much better than harboring (nuôi dưỡng) feelings of jealousy. To develop oneness we have to let go of feelings of superiority(sự ngạo mạn) and inferiority(sự tự ti); good relationships should not be based on a judgmental approach. In essence (điều cốt lõi là), successful friendship depends on the golden rule: “do unto others as you would have done to yourself.” This is the basis of healthy relationships.

8. Humour

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be willing to laugh at yourself and be self-deprecating (khiem nhường). This does not mean we have to humiliate ourselves, far from it — it just means we let go of our ego. Humour is often the best antidote for (thuốc giải độc cho) relieving tense situations.

9. Work at Relationships but don’t over analyze

Maintaining healthy relationships doesn’t mean we have to spend several hours in the psychiatrist’s chair. It means we take a little time to consider others, remembering birthdays and anniversaries etc. But, it is a mistake to spend several hours ruminating (ngẫm nghĩ) and dissecting (phân tích, mổ xẻ) relationships. This makes the whole thing very mental; it’s better to forget any negative experiences. Good friendships should be built on spontaneity (sự tự nhiên) and newness (sự mới lạ), sharing a moment of humour can often do more benefit than several hours of discussion.

10. Concern and Detachment (thái độ thờ ơ)

Healthy relationships should be built on a degree of detachment. Here, people often make a mistake; they think that being detached means, “not caring”. However, this is not the case. Often when we develop a very strong attachment (sự gắn bó) we expect the person to behave in a certain way. When they don’t we feel miserable and try to change them. A good friendship based on detachment means we will always offer good will, but we will not be upset if they wish to go a different way.

Tejvan Pettinger is a member of the Sri Chinmoy Meditation Centre. He lives in Oxford where he works as a teacher. He also offers mediation classes as a community service and updates a blog at Sri Chinmoy Inspiration a collection of articles on meditation and self improvement. Photo: Tejvan Pettinger.

Read more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/build-healthy-relationships/#Ev6V8eUMikXcGIBe.99