IELTS Writing task 1 - BAR CHART

The bar chart provides information on significant variation in the percentage of overseas and UK students who achieved second class degrees or better in seven different subjects at a major UK university in 2009.

            As can be seen from the chart, there was a similar percentage of overseas and national students gaining a second class degree or better in Nursing subject ( roughly 70% ). This was also true for Accounting subject, where exactly 60% of both groups had the same results.

            However, fewer international students than UK students achieved good results in English literature, Art history, International law and Sociology. The biggest gap in the performance was in International Law, where three-quarters of UK students compared to half of the international students attained this level.

            On the contrary, in technology-related subjects, overseas students got better results than UK students. Take Information Technology as an example. Over 80% of international students achieved a second class degree or better in IT, whereas only fewer than 60% of the UK students got such result.

            Overall, based on the graph, there are significantly different results between international and UK students who studied for degrees in this UK University.

Youth unemployment crisis

Vocabulary and definitions

-          a bleak picture /bli:k/ :  a situation described as pessimistic ( một bức tranh ảm đạm )

Ex:

The survey paints a bleak picture of an ill and ageing population.

These statistics paint a pretty bleak picture.

-          a forecast:  a prediction by experts

Ex:

Based on data from the past and present and analysis of trends, the finance and investment department has issued a forecast of the upcoming year’s income.

-          entrenched:  fixed, rooted. Establish an attitude / habit / belief so firmly that changes is very difficult or unlikely. ( cực đoan )

Ex:

Unhealthy habits are entrenched in the lives of many young people these days due the heavy reliance on modern gadgets

-          to drop out:  to exclude yourself from activities ( rút ra khỏi ). to withdraw from established society, especially because of disillusion ( tan vỡ mộng tưởng ) with conventional (tập quán, tục lệ) values

Ex:

He decided to drop out and spend his life doing what he wants to do.

Sometimes I just wish I could drop out and spend my life doing whatever I want to do without any concern about real life

-          marginalized:  to be left to one side ( cách ly ra khỏi nhịp điệu phát triển của XH) /’ma: zin ơ laiz/ :  This is predominantly a social phenomenon by which a minority or sub-group is excluded, and their needs and desires ignored

Ex:

It is a fact that marginalized communities who would suffer the greatest in equalities in health.

In the past, women used to play a second role or were completely marginalized

-          temping, a temporary job:  employment done for a fixed period of time

an apprenticeship / ơ ‘pren tis ship /:  jobs designed to have the employee working while getting training on the tasks required ( học việc )

Writing task 2: Essay collections

Topic: Dieting to lose weight has become increasingly prevalent in the developed world. Why do you think people nowadays are so concerned with body shape and size?

Nowadays, it has become fashionable to be slim and fit, especially in developed countries. In my point of view, the growing concern with body shape and size is generally formed by the media, the fashion industry and modern notions of health and fitness.

            Firstly, people seem to associate slimness with positive traits.  It has been demonstrated that people who are overweight are more likely to suffer from health problems such as heart diseases and diabetes, whereas those who do not eat too much are seen as having good self-control and considered healthier.

            Secondly, advertisements appear to encourage people to value slim figures. They often show desirable consumer products alongside slim models. Obviously, advertisers would not use slim models unless the public already had a favorable view of them.

            Moreover, many elements of society promote the idea that having a perfect body is a guaranteed way to others’ admiration and approval. Societies may portray this perfect body as the key to attract a romantic partner, to land a dream job, to have a good health as well as success and self-confidence. Furthermore, it seems that the perfect body might be the passport to a good life. However, the majority of media photos which portray human with perfect bodies are enhanced by modern technology to achieve the effect. It is both unfair and unrealistic to expect everyone to look like these so-called perfect bodies, but the power of such images remains hard to resist.

            In conclusion, we should take consideration into what stereotypes of the perfect body may affect us. And above all, we should accept ourselves for who we are, not for what these measurements might be.

Words count: 276

Topic: The problem of obesity is mainly due to people’s lack of knowledge about healthy eating. To what extent do you agree with the statement above?

Nowadays, there is a growing concern about the prevalence of obesity in societies. Many people would blame that it is the consequence of lacking necessary information about healthy eating. In my opinion, this notion deserves good attention. However, there are other factors that might be worth considering as well.

            It seems that many people do not have sufficient knowledge and awareness about good nutrition or a balanced diet. Some people may even underestimate the amount of calories in food. Therefore, they cannot lose weight even if they know what is in their food and how much they should eat.

            Besides, obesity may be due to genetic factors. A child who has overweight parents might be overweight too. However, if the family adopts healthy food and active habits, the child’s chance of being overweight or obese can be reduced.

            Lack of physical activities may be another major cause that leads to obesity. In big cities, people tend to find work primarily as office staff. They leave behind physical labor and adopt sedentary jobs. Also, the development of modern technology has made people rely heavily on cars and labor saving machines. This leads to low level of physical activities and creates an inactive lifestyle. People who are inactive are more likely to gain weight because they do not burn the calories that they take in from food and drinks.

            In conclusion, not only lacking of knowledge about healthy eating but also genetic factors as well as insufficient physical activities can increase a person’s risk of gaining weight and obesity.

Topic: What can governments do to encourage children to eat a healthier diet?

Children’s health is of primary importance to a country; however, nowadays their health is increasingly deteriorating due to bad eating habits. Therefore, it is likely that governments should take this issue as a matter of urgency and take necessary steps to raise awareness as well as encourage children to eat a healthy diet.

            Firstly, governments may regulate the food industry. This can be taken by requiring food producers to fortify their products with vitamins; as a result, children would eat healthier food without having to change their habits. However, this would be unpopular and expensive for food producers.

            Secondly, due to the fact that school meals can account for the majority of the food children eat during the week, regulating school meals can be considered as another solution. School should be asked to provide only healthy food and drink at lunch time. The obvious benefit from this approach is that children would have at least one healthy meal per day. Nevertheless, there is no guarantee that children would cease to bring unhealthy packed lunches or go out for lunch to fast food outlets.

            One more feasible solution is to educate children thoroughly about healthy eating. This could be implemented by requiring schools to teach children to cook healthy foods. As a result, children can take pride in their learning and transfer these skills to their home. But the biggest disadvantage of this method is that schools may not have the facilities to teach cooking.

            In conclusion, the responsibility for incentivizing children to eat a healthier diet not only falls to the governments but also needs the involvement of all parents, families and schools.

Topic: Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Partly disagree:

These days, there is a growing tendency that convenience foods are well on their way to become the dominant foods instead traditional one in human’s daily meals. In my opinion, I agree that convenience foods may continue to outweigh ordinary ones, but I believe people would never take them as permanent substitutes.

            It seems to be undeniable that nowadays, the popularity and favorite of convenience foods is remarkable, especially in hectic societies. Many people do not have enough time to cook; therefore convenience foods present an attractive option. People can consume convenience foods nearly on a daily basis, from breakfasts at home, lunches at workplace to schools’ meals. Almost everyone is fancy of processed foods because of their diversification, time-saving and ease of consumption factors.

            However, traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation still play a vital role in human’s life. Take family’s ordinary meal as an example. This is when parents and children prepare foods, cook together as well as spend time talking to each other in the kitchen, which can be taken as a unifying element in family life. Gathering around a family table for a home-cooked dinner is a precious moment that no convenience meal can offer. Besides, preparing and cooking foods can also help people control over the nutritional content and the overall healthfulness of the foods they eat. 

In conclusion, even though convenience foods maybe more suitable and popular in modern societies, the traditional cuisines would never be substituted.

 

Topic: Success in formal ‘pen and paper’ examinations is often seen to be a sign of intelligence.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with the view that formal examinations measure intelligence?

Synonym: 

Assessment = evaluation = appraisal (n: đánh giá hoặc xác định phẩm chất tốt)

Take test in normal way = handwritten test

No one can deny the fact that paper tests have been proved to be an indispensable part of knowledge evaluation. It is believed that students achieving god results from these tests are considered clever. In my opinion, the traditional form of examinations would continue to be used as an intelligence measurement.

Needless to say, formal tests have been rated as an effective tool to evaluate students’ knowledge due to its plentiful forms of inquiry. For instance, a well-designed test paper including a range of tasks, such as multiple choices, true or false questions or writing questions can thoroughly examine students’ learning ability and their master of knowledge from different perspectives. However, sometimes students may cram for the exam or learn by rote, which could make pen and paper tests fail to fully measure the comprehensive academic ability of students.

Another undeniable reason why paper tests can measure learners’ true knowledge achievement is that they could have the opportunity to share their own views to specific problems. Take essay as an example. When students are given an essay topic at an examination, they are encouraged to freely write about anything based on what they have learnt. As a result of this, there would occasionally be some possibility to get genius ideas from those results. The minus point of taking exam in normal way is that it might trigger anxiety in students so that they cannot show their real capacity.

          In conclusion, I believe that formal paper and pen exams can provide trustful assessments on students’ intelligence. Therefore, they would persist continuously as a vital method of evaluation in education system.

Topic: In order to be truly employable, the educated person should be able to demonstrate not just knowledge but also the ability to work independently in teams

How can teamwork best be encouraged and assessed in educational settings?

1.      Synonym:

-          Ability = competence ( competence in teamwork)

-          Educated person = qualified person

-          Demonstrate = present = show = demo

-          Assess = appraise = determine = estimate = judge = evaluate

-          Encourage = inspire = strengthen = fortify

-          Educational settings = institutions

2.      Outline:

Introduction:

It is a fact that competence in teamwork is not only necessary but also an enormous advantage for students who are about to enter the jobs market. Therefore, training students in teamwork plays a vital role in every educational setting. This essay will examine the common methods used to fortify and appraise teamwork skill among students.

Body paragraph 1: Bottom of Form

Solution 1: require students to work on group projects outside of school.

Specific action: assign group research project investigating aspect of local history

Positive consequences: motivating for students; students would learn to work as a team independently.

Drawback: difficult to assess individual student’s contribution to team effort.

Firstly, students should be required to work on group projects outside school. Specifically, schools can assign group research project investigating aspect of local history. With this approach, it would create motivation for students as well as teach them how to work as a team independently. However, there would be difficult for teacher to evaluate precisely individual student’s contribution to team.

Body paragraph 2: Bottom of Form

Solution 2: group project could be done partly in school, partly outside of school.

Specific action: ask students to periodically present ‘work in progress’ in class

Positive consequences: teacher could monitor students’ work more easily.

Drawback: time-consuming for large classes.

Secondly, group project could be done partly in school, partly outside of school. In order to closely determine students’ performance, teacher can ask them to periodically present ‘work in progress’ in the class. Hence, students’ work would be monitored more easily. Though, this method might be unfeasible in case of large classes due to its time-consuming factor.

Body paragraph 3: Bottom of Form

Solution 3: in addition to some teacher monitoring, students assess own progress.

Specific action: ask students write a learning journal throughout the project

Positive consequences: burden of monitoring and assessing progress shared by teachers and students.

In addition to some teacher monitoring, students could also self-evaluate their own progress. For instance, teachers can require students to write a learning journal throughout the project. Thanks to this, the burden of monitoring and assessing progress can be shared by both teacher and students.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, there are variety methods that can be used at educational settings in order to reinforce and assess teamwork skill. However, pros and cons of each approach should be carefully considered so that it can be done in the right way.

      It is a fact that competence in teamwork is not only necessary but also an enormous advantage for students who are about to enter the jobs market. Therefore, training students in team work plays a vital role in every educational setting. This essay will examine some practical methods that can be applied at schools to fortify and appraise students’ ability of working in a team.

       Firstly, students should be required to work on group projects outside the school. Specifically, schools can assign a group research project investigating different aspects of local history. With this approach, it would create motivation for students as well as teach them how to work as a team independently. However, precise assessment on individual student’s contribution to team might be a difficult task for the teacher.

       Besides, group project could be done partly inside and partly outside of the school. In order to closely determine students’ performance, the teacher can ask them to periodically present ‘ work in progress’ in the class. Hence, students’ work would be monitored more easily. Though, this method might be unfeasible in case of large classes due to its time-consuming factor.

    In addition to some teaching monitoring, students could also self-evaluate their own progress. For instance, teachers can require students to write a learning journal throughout the project. This can bring benefit for both teachers and students since the burden of monitoring and assessing progress has been shared respectively.

      In conclusion, there are various methods that can be used in educational settings in order to reinforce and appraise teamwork skill. However, pros and cons of each approach should be carefully considered so that it can be done in the right way.

Speaking topic: HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

USEFUL EXPRESSION:

Expression	Example
On a regular basis (regularly)	The health benefits of doing exercise on a regular basis are numerous and hard to ignore.
Order of business (A task to be dealt with)	To construct a fitness plan, the first order of business is to set a goal. We are usually quite motivated at the beginning but then find that our motivation slips over time. Setting ourselves a more specific means we will be more likely to stick with it. Then schedule time for fitness. Adding an exercise routine on a regular basis into your schedule. If you have trouble stick to the plan, find yourself a role model or a partner!
It has to be that way	The best way to exercise is not to focus on the fitness aspect and just have fun. You can exercise without even noticing you’re doing it. It has to be that way or else you would be easily demotivated, especially those who have trouble stick to a regular basis form of exercise
Opt for	I opt for cardiovascular exercises rather than muscle building because I think the best way to keep fit is to do exercise that raises your heart rate. The heart is a muscle and has to be worked like any other muscle.
Have trouble stick to	Many people have trouble stick to a fitness plan because between work and children, school and homework, exercise is hard to fit it, especially those who have no exercise experience under their belt before. However, this is not the case. The truth is, everything counts and the more you move, the healthier you will be. So, doing chores, or covering short distance journeys on foot instead of using motorbikes or something like that are all beneficial.
Focus on	As far as I’m concerned, the best way to exercise is not to focus on the fitness aspect and just have fun. You can exercise without even noticing you’re doing it. For example, when you play badminton with your friends or for a long walk on a sunny day, or something like that.
Under your belt (When you have something “under your belt”, it is part of your past experience)	He is new to the company and doesn’t have much work experience under his belt. She already has three years of college under her belt. Many people have trouble stick to a fitness plan because between work and children, school and homework, exercise is hard to fit it, especially those who have no exercise experience under their belt before. However, this is not the case. The truth is, everything counts and the more you move, the healthier you will be. So, doing chores, or covering short distance journeys on foot instead of using motorbikes or something like that are all beneficial.
Lead to	I strongly believe that the invention of TV has led to people being much too sedentary. It’s all too easy to become a coach potato.
The bulk of your time	In these days, most people work in offices, so the bulk of their time is spent on the chair, they might only move to go to the printer or photocopier. That’s very unhealthy.

I strongly believe that the invention of TV has led to people being much too sedentary. It’s all too easy to become a couch potato. Also, most people work in offices, so the bulk of their time is just in the chair. That’s very unhealthy.

The best way to exercise is not to focus on the fitness aspect and just have fun. You can exercise without even noticing you’re doing it. For instance, when you play volley ball or badminton, not only can they give you a taste for playing sports, you also get the sense of achievement and the feeling of camaraderie with your teammates. It has to be that way or else you would be easily discouraged, especially those who have trouble stick to a regular basis form of exercise.

Usually, I would opt for individual sports rather than team sports because if I do badly in a team game, I always feel I’m letting everyone down

There is no better time to begin your healthy lifestyle than today. In fact, the only thing we’ve ever been completely sure is right now in this moment. The future is never guaranteed, so why wait to start living a beautiful, healthy, active life later when right now is really all that you have

QUESTION

1.      What do you do to stay physically healthy?

The trick to healthy living is making small changes. Take more steps each day, adding fruit to your cereal, having an extra glass of water or saying no to that second helping of buttery mashed (nghiền) potatoes. So, what else can you be doing to live healthy? Your first order of business is to start exercising. Eat a healthy breakfast, add more vegetables and fruit in daily meals. Keep a regular sleep hours. Cut out processed food.

There are enormous ways to maintain a good body or to stay healthy. For example, eat properly, means eating the right foods and the right amounts of foods. Control the weight. Keep a regular sleeping hours.

These are the steps I take to stay healthy. Cut out processed food, keep sufficient sleeping hours – say 7 hours a day, eat a healthy breakfast, add more vegetables and fruit in daily meals. However, my first order of business is to exercise on a regular basis. Also, I strongly believe that having a regular medical checkup to detect disease in the early stages is absolutely needed. This should be performed at least once a year.

2.      What do you do to stay mentally healthy?

Mental Health is everybody’s business. It’s about the way you think and feel, the way you cope with life’s difficulties, how you manage your relationships and making the most of your potential. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health

I believe there are links between physical and mental health. Therefore, doing regular exercise can both keep us fit and release feel good chemicals into our body.

I manage to make exercise a habit and play sports in my free time because it can help me sleep, look and feel better which in turn can boost my confidence and increase my self-esteem.

I also join a dance class where I can share my same interests with people there. I find that being part of a group with people with a common interest provides a sense of belonging and is absolutely good for mental health

Develop and maintain strong relationships with people around you who will support and enrich your life. The quality of our personal relationships has a great effect on our wellbeing. Putting time and effort into building strong relationships can bring great rewards.

Participate and share interests. Join a club or group of people who share your interests. Being part of a group of people with a common interest provides a sense of belonging and is good for your mental health. Join a sports club; a band; an evening walking group; a dance class; a theatre or choir group; a book or car club

3.      Talk about the importance of staying healthy.

As far as I’m concerned, being mentally and physically healthy helps me deal with stress and enjoy the happiness in life. In addition, staying healthy for me is vital for maintaining a youthful, attractive appearance.

4.      Talk about something we should avoid to stay healthy?

- Avoid spending the bulk of your time sitting in front of a computer or sitting on a couch watching TV. It’s all easy to become a coach potato.

- Avoid eating junk food, fast food and beverage constantly

- Avoid sleeping late

5. What do you think is a balanced diet?

6. What kind of exercise is suitable for you? Why?

IELTS Questions

1. Do you have any  specific diet?

2. How often do you go for medical check-ups?

3. Do you like playing sport?

4. How often do you exercise or play a sport?

5. What is your favorite sport? Why?

6. How healthy is your lifestyle? What do you do to stay healthy?

7. What kind of exercise do you do to keep fit?

8. How much do you weigh?

9. Do you think you need to put on weight/lose weight? What do you want to do gain weight/lose weight?

10. Have you ever tried to lose/gain weight? If so, what motivated you to start a diet or physical activity? In what ways is your diet different from when you were a young child?

11. How many portions of fruit and vegetables do you eat everyday?

12. What sports are you good at?

13. Do you ever read articles which are about sport and healthy?

14. Talk about a sport you would like to learn.

15. What sports do you enjoy watching?

16. Are there any sports you don't like?

Speaking topic RELATIONSHIPS

USEFUL EXPRESSION

get (tremendous) pleasure from

Example: I get tremendous pleasure from helping others.

take pleasure in (= get pleasure from)

Example: Scientific evidence shows that people take pleasure in others’ pain, a study claims.

get fed up with

Example: I  dont think i will get fed up with new friends because friends are only one who understand us much

back down

Example: I’m not suggesting that he should back down from a fight. But all I’m saying is that it probably would’ve been a wiser option to let this go.

dwell on : nhắc đi nhắc lại

Example: Kanye says to live life and not dwell on the past.

feel the need to

Example: Why do I feel the need to do everything myself at work?

bring up: đề cập đến

Example: Don’t bring up politics if you want to have a quiet conversation with that guy.

It’s a mistake to

Example: I also think it’s a mistake to buy a cheap laptop.

irrespective of

Example: Irrespective of the weather, I should go.

be free of

Example: When you are free of fear there is the strong feeling of being good.

In essence: về cơ bản, cốt lõi vấn đề là

Example: In essence it’s about making life less complicated to live.

golden rule

Example: The golden rule of business is supply and demand.

antidote for : thuốc giải độc

Example: Music is the antidote for depression.

This makes the whole thing

Example: I usually don’t know where a poem is going to end when I start it, and this makes the whole thing a lot more exciting for me.

However, this is not the case

Example: Often we think that heat and temperature are the same thing. However, this is not the case. 

My ex-company has carried out a big redundancy plan due to bad performance in business. There were 38 dismissed employees and I was one of them. My family and friends all feel very sorry for me and they think I would be very depressed and woesome (buồn rầu, ủ rũ). However, this is not the case. Irrespective of my current situation, I still get tremendous pleasure from that. Now I have plenty of time to do things that I love, like cooking, travelling or even dancing. I don’t feel the need to seek for a new job immediately, though my parents always dwell on the importance of stable income. They just care for me and too worry about me. Nevertheless, I currently just want to bring up the enjoyment of living life in my own way and temporarily forget about the bread and butter burden

QUESTION

1.      Talk about something you do to maintain good relationships with others.

- It’s quite common that most people get tremendous pleasure from speaking about themselves. If we are willing and able to listen to others, we will find it much appreciated by our friends. Don’t look upon friends with the perspective “what can I get out of this?”. True relationship should be based on mutual support and good will (thiện chí), irrespective of any personal gain. it is a mistake to spend several hours ruminating (ngẫm nghĩ) and dissecting (phân tích, mổ xẻ) relationships. This makes the whole thing very mental; it’s better to forget any negative experiences. Good friendships should be built on spontaneity (sự tự nhiên) and newness (sự mới lạ), sharing a moment of humour can often do more benefit than several hours of discussion.

2. What do you usually do to clear up a conflict with your friends or family members?
- In my view, the golden rule here is Speak a little less, listen a little more. If we are willing and able to listen to others perspective, they would do the same to us. Once we’ve both had the opportunity to share our own perspective, mutually agree to let it go and leave it in the past.
I would try to take the time to question the level of importance of the matter at hand instead of making a mountain out of a molehill,
If the conflict happens, always keep in mind the objective is to solve the problem, rather than win the fight because it’s better to be happy than right.

3. In what way good relationships may influence your life?
- There’s no doubt that good relationships will bring an immense amount of advantages to our lives. There are times when loneliness gets the best of us. However, when we have good friend, we can talk, share and make that loneliness fade away. Good friends can help us out when we're in need, or lend a hand, offer a shoulder to cry on, and walk a mile in your shoes. Sometimes they will not only help you rebound from the negative hits you take in life, but they will also inspire you to be the best you can be.

4. The more friends we have, the happier we are. Do you agree with this statement? Why? Or why not?
As for me, this is not always the case. I think it’s better to have few but true friends rather than many fair weather friends who will most likely disappear just when you need them most.

5. In your relationships with other people, do you put yourself first? Or them?

Honestly. I don’t really pay attention on that matter. As far as I’m concerned, good relationships should not be based on a dominant approach. A true friendship does not put one person above another. Good relationships should be built on spontaneity and equality.

Tell me about your best friend?
One of my best friends is a girl named Chinh. I met her at university; actually she was my freshman room-mate at dormitory. So, we’ve known each other for a good decade. What kind of person she is...Well, she’s really outgoing and sociable – she’s always going out with friends and colleagues. Everyone thinks she’s good fun. She’s also a very determined person – when she gets into something, she gives 100%. However, she can be a bit impatient – she gets annoyed when her fellows aren’t as efficient as her. And sometimes, she’s so self-assured that makes her a bit full of herself, which I say is a drawback.
Ask for why I like her, she’s actually quite different from me. I’m constantly amazed by her open-mindedness – she’s never judgmental. I wish I could be like that. But she’s very reliable – if I call her or give her a message, she always response. We’ve always got on and we hardly ever fall out.
At present, we’re living in different cities, so we don’t see each other that often. But we try to catch up on a fairly regular basic, say once a month.

IELTS Sample Questions:

1. Who is your best friend? (How would you describe him/her?)
2. Why do you call this person your best friend?
3. Name three words that can be best used to describe your best friend. (reliable, never judgmental and good fun)
4. Do you have a lot of friends?
No, I have a few friends, but none of them are fair weather friends. They will always be there when I need them.
5. In you free time, would you prefer to be alone or to be with friends?
I would prefer to be with my friends. It’s always good fun when I’m with them. I get tremendous pleasure from speaking about myself, my things in life and they’re always willing to listen.
6. What does friendship mean to you?
For me, friends are one of the most important ingredients in this recipe of life. A friend is someone I can talk with about a problem, someone who is always there when I need a hand, someone I can trust with my deepest secrets, someone who makes me laugh, or even someone I can poke on Facebook
7. In general, what are friends for?
A friend is someone I can talk with about a problem, someone who can help me out when I’m in need, or lend a hand, offer a shoulder to cry on, and walk a mile in my shoes. Sometimes they will not only help me rebound from the negative hits I take in life, but they will also inspire me to be the best I can be.
8. Talk about your best friend. How long have you known him/her?
9. How did you get acquainted with each other?
10. What makes this friend closer than your other friends?
11. What do you like best about your friendship?
I can really be myself with them
12. What are some of the positive ways your best friend has influenced your life?

13. What are your expectations of your friends?
Well, for me, friends should be reliable. I can’t stand being stood up or having my email and texts ignored. A friend is someone I can talk with about a problem, someone who is always there when I need a hand and someone I can trust with my deepest secrets
14. In what ways are your friends important to you?
My friends help me rebound from the negative hits I take in life. They will also inspire me to be the best I can be.
15. What influence do you have over your friends?
16. How do you choose friends?
17. What kind of people do you make friends with?
People who are good fun, not judgmental, and reliable.
18. Are your friends mostly your age or from different ages? Why?
Different ages
19. Is the time you spend with your friends as much as the time you spend with your family?
20. Do you usually see your friends during the week or at the weekends?
21. What kind of things do you and your friends like to do together?
22. Do you usually have conflicts with your friends? 
Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. But I always try to minimize the possibility of conflict
I would try to take the time to question the level of importance of the matter at hand instead of making a mountain out of a molehill,
If the conflict happens, always keep in mind the objective is to solve the problem, rather than win the fight because it’s better to be happy than right
23. Have you remained friends with people from your childhood?
Not really. I believe friendships might change as we get older. I definitely find that I have less in common with some friends than I used to. I sometimes wonder what we used to find to talk about. So we often grow apart from old school friends or friend from my childhood.
24. What is your longest friendship that you have had?
A good decade!
25. What do you do to maintain a friendship?
- Speak a little less, listen a little more
- maintain harmony
Don’t look upon friends with the perspective “what can I get out of this?”. True friendship should be based on mutual support and good will (thiện chí), irrespective of any personal gain
26. Talk about a friend you used to have, but now you have lost touch with.
27. Do you think it is better to have a large group of friends or a few close friends?
28. Do you have any English speaking friends?
29. Have you got any long distance friends? How do you keep in touch with your pen pals?
30. Would you be willing to do anything to help your friends?

Building Healthy Relationships

By Tejvan Pettinger

1. Speak a little less, listen a little more

Most people get tremendous pleasure from speaking about themselves. But, here we have to be careful; if we always speak about our achievements or tribulations (sự đau khổ), people will get fed up with our egoism (tính tự cao tự đại). (get tremendous pleasure from : cực kỳ phấn khích)

If we are willing and able to listen to others, we will find it much appreciated by our friends. Some people are not aware of how much they dominate (lấn át) the conversation. If you find you are always talking about yourself, consider the advice of the Greek philosopher, Epictectus:

“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”

2. Which is more important being right or maintaining harmony?

A lot of problems in relationships occur because we want to maintain our personal pride. Don’t insist on always having the last word. Healthy relationships are not built through winning meaningless arguments. Be willing to back down; most arguments are not of critical importance anyway.

3. Avoid Gossip

If we value someone’s friendship we will not take pleasure in commenting on their frequent failings. They will eventually hear about it. But, whether we get found out or not, we weaken our relationships when we dwell on (chăm chăm vào, nhấn vào) negative qualities. Avoid gossiping about anybody; subconsciously(một cách tự nhiên, tiềm thức) we don’t trust people who have a reputation for gossip. We instinctively (theo bản năng) trust and value people who don’t feel the need to criticise others.

4. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not just a cliché, it’s a powerful and important factor in maintaining healthy relationships. However, real forgiveness also means that we are willing to forget the experience. If we forgive one day, but then a few weeks later bring up the old misdeed (hành động xấu), this is not real forgiveness. When we make mistakes, just consider how much we would appreciate others forgiving and forgetting.

5. Know When to Keep Silent

If you think a friend has a bad or unworkable idea, don’t always argue against it; just keep silent and let them work things out for themselves. It’s a mistake to always feel responsible for their actions. You can offer support to friends, but you can’t live their life for them.

6. Right Motive

If you view friendship from the perspective of “what can I get from this?” you are making a big mistake. This kind of relationship proves very tentative (rất ko chắc chắn). If you make friendships with the hope of some benefit, you will find that people will have a similar attitude to you. This kind of friendship leads to insecurity and jealousy. Furthermore, these fair weather friends will most likely disappear just when you need them most. Don’t look upon friends with the perspective “what can I get out of this?”. True friendship should be based on mutual support and good will (thiện chí), irrespective of any personal gain.

7. Oneness

The real secret of healthy relationships is developing a feeling of oneness. This means that you will consider the impact on others of your words and actions. If you have a true feeling of oneness, you will find it difficult to do anything that causes suffering to your friends. When there is a feeling of oneness, your relationships will be free of jealousy and insecurity.

For example, it is a feeling of oneness which enables you to share in the success of your friends. This is much better than harboring (nuôi dưỡng) feelings of jealousy. To develop oneness we have to let go of feelings of superiority(sự ngạo mạn) and inferiority(sự tự ti); good relationships should not be based on a judgmental approach. In essence (điều cốt lõi là), successful friendship depends on the golden rule: “do unto others as you would have done to yourself.” This is the basis of healthy relationships.

8. Humour

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be willing to laugh at yourself and be self-deprecating (khiem nhường). This does not mean we have to humiliate ourselves, far from it — it just means we let go of our ego. Humour is often the best antidote for (thuốc giải độc cho) relieving tense situations.

9. Work at Relationships but don’t over analyze

Maintaining healthy relationships doesn’t mean we have to spend several hours in the psychiatrist’s chair. It means we take a little time to consider others, remembering birthdays and anniversaries etc. But, it is a mistake to spend several hours ruminating (ngẫm nghĩ) and dissecting (phân tích, mổ xẻ) relationships. This makes the whole thing very mental; it’s better to forget any negative experiences. Good friendships should be built on spontaneity (sự tự nhiên) and newness (sự mới lạ), sharing a moment of humour can often do more benefit than several hours of discussion.

10. Concern and Detachment (thái độ thờ ơ)

Healthy relationships should be built on a degree of detachment. Here, people often make a mistake; they think that being detached means, “not caring”. However, this is not the case. Often when we develop a very strong attachment (sự gắn bó) we expect the person to behave in a certain way. When they don’t we feel miserable and try to change them. A good friendship based on detachment means we will always offer good will, but we will not be upset if they wish to go a different way.

Tejvan Pettinger is a member of the Sri Chinmoy Meditation Centre. He lives in Oxford where he works as a teacher. He also offers mediation classes as a community service and updates a blog at Sri Chinmoy Inspiration a collection of articles on meditation and self improvement. Photo: Tejvan Pettinger.

Read more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/build-healthy-relationships/#Ev6V8eUMikXcGIBe.99